Detachment through attachment is compassion and empathy without codependence or coddling. It is to witness, observe and be made aware of another’s feelings, moods, challenges, struggle or accomplishment without engulfment or enmeshment.

In caring for infants and children alike I have found it imperative to attach to children using the subtle art and spiritual principle of detachment as I have come to know it through years of my meditation practice, Meditation practice gives me the space of non judgement and chance to witness my mind’s eye as separate from thoughts about situations, people and perceived problems or challenges internally or with other people.

When an infant or child wimpers, cries, sighs, complains or throws a temper tantrum for want or need of bottle, snack, diaper change, favorite toy or missing their parent my initial go to is to quell the fire by perceiving, attending to, asking, listening and understanding their want or need. This is attunement.

Attunement births compassion and empathy which leads to attachment because it provides a safety zone to create trust and bonding. The synergy gives way to interdependence between childcare provider and child. Ultimately this provides growth of the infant or child to feel safe and for the childcare provider to feel a sense of accomplishing a job well done.

I had the wonderful opportunity of caring for a three month old infant girl for four days who had not once been cared by anyone other than her Mother and Father. It was the Mother’s first day back to work from an extended maternity leave. I was entrusted to feeding her baby, putting the infant down for naps, changing diapers and engaging her in play to provide safety, love, and nurturing.

As a Newborn Care Specialist I knew this On Call Nanny job required me to be cool, calm, collected and attuned to the Mother’s wants and needs as well as the newborn infant’s. My assignment preparation began twenty minutes before the 8AM start time as I exited the Prius Lyft Share and sat on the gray cement slab outside of the building call box. I listened to birds chirp, grateful for a respite before the Mother expected me. Attunement to the chirping birds made me feel nurtured and cared for as the cool crisp Spring LA morning air refreshed me. I sat relaxed next to the fully grown shrubbery peaceful that I created my early bird nest out of what existed

I was greeted by a youthful, first time Mother who was appreciative of my punctuality and understandably nervous having not ever left her precious two month daughter with anyone else up until that point. The dark and curly haired baby sat upright on a boppy holding a similar gaze I had experienced moments before outside of the family’s contemporary apartment building.

After a brief introduction and tour of the apartment and supplies I was told that the most important thing is the baby’s happiness. I chose to feed her a bottle based on an understanding of the schedule but the baby girl was more interested in hearing me speak and animate B words like “baby”, “beautfiul” and “Bonnie”. Watching the infant delight in hearing the sounds much like my enjoyment of the birds chirping moments before created an attachment based on attunement which inspired the baby to feel joy and have an appetite to finish her, “B” for bottle!

 

Marisa Dhanasene is Care Provider on our Crunch Care team in Los Angeles. She loves, understands and is passionate about children and their well being and growth. Marisa enjoys taking care of her
mind and spirit by staying fit by enjoying walks in my her neighborhood, shopping at the Farmers Market and meditating so that I can bring my best self to nurture children and build trust and reliable care with their parents.Her experience as a volunteer at Free Arts at the Edelman Children’s Courthouse in LA, internship at a Daycare in Tuscany, Italy, On Call Nanny, Montessori Preschool Teacher, and Nanny for infant twins, toddlers and preschoolers has prepared her to provide the best care possible for our clients.

 

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